omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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