help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
