fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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