Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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