just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
