omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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