Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
