This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
