tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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