An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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