I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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