I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
