Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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