Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
