Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
