Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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