I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize