everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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