I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
There are leaves in my underwear?
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