Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
