Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
