Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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