I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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