I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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