So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize