Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
