sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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