I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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