I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
