I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
