He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She even gives head with a lisp.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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