All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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