So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
