You can't motorboat a personality
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
