i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
