drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
