If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
