So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
