Got a toothbrush?
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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