I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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