Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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