AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
