This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
