Too much gin, very little bucket
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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