this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
