Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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