judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
