I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
