my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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