How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
