Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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