I cannot find my penis.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
