This house was built for laser tag.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize