His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
