I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize