everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
