i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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