my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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