I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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