so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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