All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
