your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
