Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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