I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
