I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize