I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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