She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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