I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
