Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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